Within the last forty eight hours, I was informed about two suicides that were committed by two young boys; one who lived about ten minutes away from my home (aged 20 or 21) and the other, a friend (aged 19).
I have had never known the first person aforementioned personally, therefore it will be inappropriate for me to include that person’s situation. But I will not hesitate to mention the death of my friend, somebody whom I walked back home with after school for three years and went for the same classes for those three years. This particular human was always good to me, even though he was a bit irrational, sexist and dark sometimes. But I did not really care about that aspect of his nature, although it did result in our numerous fights as I now remember. Also, most people did not like him because he kept to himself and boasted of his gaming skills; but I ignored most of it and held his company. A very knowledgeable person indeed, and a few will know about this side of him. The last time I actually spent quite some time with him was when he came home to give me the game ‘Counter Strike’ which I played so ardently back in 2011, and just before that we had attended the Mumbai Comic Convention at the World Trade Centre in South Mumbai with another common friend. We lost touch soon in early 2013 after meeting about twice or thrice and it has been almost two years now that I didn’t hear of him, until last evening.
The reason he committed suicide? He was caught copying in examinations and hence, banned for a year or so (as per my information on his death). In all probability, he was ashamed of his antics and did not want his parents to burn with shame due to his ‘act’ and that is precisely why he jumped in front of a running train. This, angers me.
Although it is sometimes understandable in various suicide cases that the victim of suicide was depressed, helpless and hopeless. But, that certainly does not mean that people like the friend I spoke of get away with their lives because of something the have done illegally or downright wrong. Such people, it can be said with all clarity, do not give a thought about the people who will do everything in their power to support them in their crisis. They do not think about their families, just get on with avoiding the shaming and hang themselves to a fan, jump in front of a moving train or cut their veins. But, this is my opinion. The point of this post is slightly more directed toward complete awareness because, having had suicidal thoughts at a point in my life (which I speak of unabashedly, now that it has switched and changed in all entirety), I would want a set of people to understand a few things in all clarity. This set of people can be just normal, happy people; but they could also be letting their demons take over and you wouldn’t even be knowing what your sister, brother or a friend is going through from the inside. They may share their concerns with you, but they could also not possess the ability to come out and speak of their fears, mistakes and anxieties. Or may be, you were just about to develop a state of depression and I may just have made you rethink upon all the problematic situations that you wanted to and tried, or are trying to run away from.
Suicide or any sort of self harm, physical and mental, is really not the answer to dissolve an unwanted situation. Face your fear; you will feel pressurized, shameful or you will be broken into pieces. But you don’t give your life away. A life is a journey to experience all that you can till you exist in this reality. It is also fine to live in a cocoon of your reality, searching for a meaning to utilise all that time and energy for or looking for a replacement to all your adventures in this reality as you keep chasing a new one at the end of every adventure.
That is a life worth living. Giving away your life could possibly leave the rest of your family and beloved persons in an eternal feeling of loss. The friend could have faced his family, told them the truth, have had to hear hurtful things for a few days and then get on with life as usual and perhaps, work even more harder in his area of expertise. It was his choice to throw away the good outcome.
Choose your choices well, for you carve the path to the kind of life you project your present self with today.
Shine On ★